Shwe Wutt Hmon

Witnessing my sister’s struggle with episodes and sufferings as a family, the whole situation was really difficult for me. It was suffocating and crushing me. Those I opened up told me gradually that I might need psychosocial counseling too. I myself was wavering; sometimes I feel I need help, sometimes, I believe I am doing well. Instead of seeing a counselor for therapy, I met with different mental health professionals, from psychiatric and psychologist to counselors, to look for resources and a support system for my sister and our family and to learn and understand more about mental health. But, I never had a counseling session with any therapist I met. Maybe I am avoiding the pain I will get from cleansing my wounds. Eventually, I found that meeting with those professionals and getting psychosocial education helped me in improving my self-awareness, my coping mechanism and my way of journey to therapy and healing.

This process of going round in a circle and swirling inside it made me realize the cyclical nature of mental health. And the more mental health awareness I have, the more I can cope with my vicarious trauma. Slowly, I came to accept that the hallucinated sound in my sister’s head may never really go away, even when there are more times she is stable and at peace. It may always stay with us. But through this journey of seeking and searching psychosocial support for her and the whole family, the journey itself became a sort of therapy for me. I walked into a counseling room, talked and listened to the counselor, I applied the skills and techniques I learned to soothe myself in hard times. I never really had counseling. But I was counseled. I am bewildered, I guess.

Only clouds know what I am going through.